Super-Ego

I work in a community driven job. As a minister in training (and eventual minister) I have the joy and hardship of being around people day in and out. Part of this process is developing strong and protective boundaries. These boundaries are not to keep people out but to allow me to give myself to others.

As part of my job I get to preach. Needless to say I love it. I mean what's not to love about it? You get to have a profound impact on peoples lives. Your thoughts and understandings are given a place and space to enter into the universe. It is a very powerful and moving place to be. 

I never thought I would have to put up personal boundaries in this space as well. The pulpit/lectern/stage/what ever you want to call it, can become the most destructive place in a ministers life. 

You might be thinking that is impossible but hear me out...

I love getting my ego scratched. In fact it's one of the most affirming things I know. I love to be wanted and to be heard and to be accepted. I think these are basic conditions and the human psyche thrives in these places. However, this is where the danger lies. 

The pulpit is a place where this can regularly happen. We can easily associate our worth by the acceptance of our message. As people leave the door they say something like: "that was just for me" or "you inspired me today" or even the simple "Thank you". We can become addicted to our Sunday Fix. 

Now the Sunday fix does not come out of a vacuum. We spend our days living in the struggle of community. It's hard graft listening to the brokenness and working in meetings that are difficult to get through. We can go a week without an affirmation of our work and then Sunday comes and their is a gush of positivity.  It inflates the ego and if left unchecked it becomes a super-ego. It grows and consumes all the praise that it can get. 

In myself the struggle goes on to stop myself from gaining the super-ego. To try not live on the calling to the Sunday fix but on the realisation that my worth comes from God. I am just trying to be faithful to what God is doing in me and that is all I can do. If that resonates with people then, I need to affirm the work that God is doing. I need to deflate the ego not because I think less of myself but rather because I am not God. I am not the mover, God is. 

Ministry can be a lonely place and sometimes we can be grabbing at straws in our attempt to follow our calling. There is this hidden boundary we need to construct or else our services will cease to hold onto their functional identity (service) and become a show. I don't know about you but, I never want to the show to be my motivator. 

Preaching is a gift and must in someway still hold on to that value.